Another two months have passed by yet it doesn't feel like that much time has passed already. We're already into the first week of March. I guess work and a bunch of funny colleagues help make time fly. That... and it took me two months to want to write in my blog.
I'm so so so sleepy right now. The green tea latte from Starbuck's today was less than satisfying. The most satisfying thing out of today was that chocolate chip cookie I bought myself at work around 2:30pm. It was a much needed cookie after a mind wrecking processing mapping for work. At least it's done. I took Rebecca's advice and took the 190 straight to the subway and then all the way here. I felt so free. I suppose it's also the rare opportunities I get these days to sit in front of a computer with complete silence since Gary is running late tonight and I'm not home for dinner tonight. I swear I'm one of those people with all these things I want to do up in my head and then when the time comes it just doesn't happen. I just need to still prepare for it, however. I walked around Mel Lastman Sq tonight in search for photo taking opportunities... not so much. Hopefully the ones I did take turned out ok. I'm trying to gain some good photography skills and make full use of my camera. It's so hard to remember to use all the different modes when the moment comes to take a photo.
And, after a whole week of anticipating to go to the Hara Mitsura at the Japanese Cultural Center. I've changed my mind about it. It's downtown and I'm scared that I'll be disappointed after making such a big effort. I'm also not feeling so big about the horse back riding next week for my Birthday either. Partially it's because of the weather warming up I don't want to be riding in muddy conditions and also cause Gary has just been assigned to a 5 week engagement. I'll see what happens. I must go to the library and get some of those museum passes though. That's for sure. I want to go the Ontario Science Center. It's been a while.
Strangely a lot of things have been popping in and out of my head lately. I've been thinking a lot about my mom. I think it's because the same time last year everything was about surface with her illness. Images that had started to get fuzzy became so clear.... images from the hospital, the x-rays, the pain. Boy, I miss my Mom so much. Over this week, I had this dream of her with my aunt. The setting goes back to last year when we knew she was in a critical condition and she was talking to my aunt about something. I know something was going on and I approach her to tell me what's on her mind. At first she wouldn't say anything and then something triggered her and she finally broke out in tears saying how she was going to miss us and don't want to let us go. My mom is the soft and gentle type who holds her emotions to herself. The only exception is when she is worried.... I was obviously not very happy afterwards even after waking up. I have so much stuff to show her.
Then today I was in the middle of waking up and had this dream of me in Vegas enjoying myself. Obviously, when I woke up I had to prepare to go to work.
February was a good month, a social month. Gary and I went to Blue Mountain for the day to snowshoe. There was no way he would ski and drive back. Either way he believes that he needs one week's rest if he was going to go skiing. Meh. It was a whole lot of fun still. Saw some good mother nature and snow. Walked on Ontario's longest suspension bridge. Went on the highest point in Ontario. I truely felt Canadian that day. It was a good getaway with the houses not looking like the ones in Toronto. It's like mini Tremblant! The spa part of it was very awesome too. I've swam outside in Montreal when the temperature was -5C but this was something else. Hot cold combination and running around with just your bathing suit. It felt soo good and good impact on my skin... I think. Adrian came back for a month. It was great to hang out with my good buddy after over a year of not seeing each other. Caught up with William and Rebecca and saw Diane's new home! How could I forget... my dear Karen too. You know what else was good? We got a new dishwasher! I love it. Don't know why we didn't do it earlier. Actually I do ... cause we have one already in there and another portable that was lost the tube for...which we had only used for one year... Too much trouble but finally got that sucker done!
January was Gary's birthday and CNY. Close to that were my parent's 32nd-33rd anniversary... would be. You could imagine how hard it was for my Dad. As for Gary, I made my first cake for him. I think January was food month. I kept baking cookies and trying to make new stuff to eat. Interesting... hmm..
I think March calls of skin and settle down and Birthday month! Got to see what happens! I just want to so do something different!
12:54 - January 4, 2009 - UPDATE. So my sister reminded me of the date 5 minutes ago. For a second, I forgot it's already January 4. Exactly 6 months. I know I said many times that I want to remember vividly about everything that has happened to my Mom, but right now I wish that I have to ability to not think about it. 6 months ago exactly this time I just finished watching my dramas cause I didn't want to sleep so I can watch over my Mom. I remember that as I was about to finally sleep and she woke up... that was the last night I saw her. I feel guilty to tell her to sleep because she never woke up again after that night. I was the last person to see her, to interact with her. I feel guilty that I told her to sleep because I was not able to help her. I couldn't help her get out of bed. I couldn't even give her water. Fuck... the torture... she went through. Why is this world so unjust? My mother was such a gentle and soft spoken woman...
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The thought of 2008 to finish never seemed to occurred to me. It's been an awful year. I can't believe it's over. Now I feel like I need to put this year behind me. A part of me has been dying to do that yet another part of me doesn't want to. It makes me feel like I need to put what happened to my mom behind me. When the countdown was going on, it felt weird, almost like there was no feeling. Perhaps having to spending it alone this year did not help. Nothing I can do I suppose given the horrible timing of things. After 2009 rolled in, it felt even weirder. I'm used to being out and calling home and speaking to my Mom and Dad. I did not want to celebrate this year although I did try to make the best out of it. Now my heart just aches... and just want to cry.
Mom, I miss you so much... I miss your presence. I miss your love and your care. I miss all the things we share about... In a few days it's going to be half a year already. I can't believe you have left us for so long already. Please continue looking over us from above...
Another year has passed. Do they celebrate Christmas up there too? ... or have you been busy over watching us? I miss you. No matter how happy I get, there is still a part of me that says nothing is the same without you. i want to take our usual Christmas photos with you. I want to buy you a Christmas present. I want to give you money to spent like how you gave me to spend as a child/ teenager.
Anyway, I bought some hot chocolate powder from Second Cup. Hopefully, it's as good as the one I had the other day in store. I know you would've loved to tried that with us.
Some photos..
Sister's Birthday Dinner... Dec. 20.
The snow storm last weekend. Shovelled over 40cm! I love it as much as I'm annoyed with it. -_-
Ninja Sushi - A very interesting experience with Conan for our Christmas get together.
My lovely Christmas present from Conan. This is the best iPod Touch protector ever! It requires no casing and it really is durable. I let it go through so much abuse in that big bag of mines.
Family Christmas dinner at FireFly. The atmosphere was good but everything else sucked. They should just keep to what works, their regular menu.
Our Christmas tree this year. No one had the mood to put the real one up. A very nice subsitute though.
TVB Lifestyle's Popular Tokyo show is sooo good. The hostess is sometimes over perky but the information she provides really gave me the insight I want on Tokyo, Japan. Wish I could go there right now and pick up a few cool gadgets that only they can think of and make it look so cute/ cool. Popular Tokyo 2 is already airing in HK right now. A clip from the show:
Jay Chou concert on Thursday night! The concert was so much fun!! Well, prior to the concert, I treated myself to a Stila lip gloss at Sephora to fight off some stress... Anyway, Karen thinks I should build an igloo in my backyard and put him in there as my personal hostage. I like that idea. I want to put Celine Dion in there too. lol. I took tons of pictures and videos but there's so many good ones posted on the internet... I'm' not very inclined to post mines. He chose such great songs for the concert. I hope Toronto gave Jay a good impression!!
I haven't been this tired for a long time. Hopefully it's just a hangover from the weekend. I slept for about 4 hours on Saturday night and didn't sleep on Sunday until late again. I really didn't do that much today except for go to work and eating two big meals. Didn't even bother with dinner. Anyway, at first I was starting to get satisfied with the habits I was starting to create with video games. I love to play video games now. I really have more games than I need or play, especially now that I play more with the DS. I have to admit that there's a lot of good new games out. Still trying to fit time to read some of those travel books and my Marketing magazines are piling up.
Ah well. Highly anticipating Jay Chou's concert on Thursday night. Woohoo...
On the aside, I went to our department Christmas lunch at Sagano (at Delta Hotel East). One conclusion, I'm going back with Gary and taking photos! Well, I finished Christmas shopping... Yay! I'm going on my rounds of Christmas outtings now.
December 5 - Happy Birthday, Mom.. Love you!! ... No matter how far you are.
Do I need to go join a support group for people around my age.. as per Therese's words?
I like this song that Celine Dion sang at the Grammy's Nominations Concert:
